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Super Smash Bros. Brawl: The Subspace Emissary
(After the intro, we cut to the G-man at his desk in his room) G-man: Hello, everyone! I am the G-man, and that’s all you need to know about that. If you’ve seen what happened at this year’s E3, you’ll know that A: There’s going to be a legit anime crossover game in 2019 called Jump Force, and B: Super Smash Bros. Ultimate is coming out on December 7th. And to honor that, we’re talking a look at the first Smash game I’ve played; Super Smash Bros. Brawl! (The main theme from the game starts as clips from the intro begin to play) G-man (V.O): Released in 2008 for the Nintendo Wii, Brawl was considered the final Smash game at the time, and for good reasons. For one, it introduced the Final Smash which would be used for the rest of the series. But talking about just the game would be a little boring, so to spice things up, we’re taking a look at what some fans say is better than the fighting: The Adventure Mode called the Subspace Emissary. (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: There’s lots of characters to meet, and a lot of enemies to slay. So, let’s jump right in! This is the Subspace Emissary! (Cut to the opening cutscene) G-man (V.O): We open with a midair stadium where we meet the following characters: Mario and Peach from the Mario series, Zelda from the Legend of Zelda series, and Kirby from the Kirby series. Here, we make our first choice; we can either pick Mario or Kirby to fight one another. No matter which option you choose, the story is always the same. Only with slight differences. We’ll get to those in a bit. (Cut to later in the game. Mario and Kirby wave to the audience when the sky goes red and the battleship Halberd flies over the stadium. Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Wait, so Meta Knight is a villain in this mode? (A buzzer sound is heard) Well, what about King Dedede? (The buzzer sound is heard again) Is it ANY Kirby character? (The buzzer sound is heard once again) Okay, well it looks like I’M the majority! (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): Peach and Zelda help Mario and Kirby defeat strange monsters that were dropped from the Halberd… (Cut back to the G-man briefly) Boy, that’s something I’d never thought I’d say… (Cut back to the game) …When we suddenly meet a mysterious, cloaked figure called the Ancient Minister. (The Ancient Minister drops a metallic sphere from the bottom of it’s flying platform and two R.O.Bs appear to open it. Revealing it to be a bomb. Mario runs towards it, but he gets hit by a cannonball that hits him so hard, he flies out of the stadium. Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Wow. Fail. (The scene plays again with the word "FAIL" in all capital letters appearing over it. Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): Peach and Zelda get captured by Petey Piranha from Super Mario Sunshine, and this is where our first choice comes into play. We can choose to save either princess, but the other will get kidnapped by Wario afterwards. In this case, I save Zelda because A: She can take care of herself, and B: I’m tired of saving Peach’s ass. After Wario makes off with Peach’s trophy… (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Shoot! I forgot to mention trophies! You see, when someone quote end-quote "dies", they turn into statues called trophies. To revive them, all they have to do is simply touch the base that they’re on. It’s a pretty cool concept I have to admit. (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): As I was saying; after Wario makes off with Peach’s trophy, the bomb from before explodes and engulfs the stadium in subspace. Luckily, Kirby and Zelda escape on a Warp Star. Meanwhile, Pit from the Kid Icarus series is sent out by Palutena to, you guessed it! Save the world! (Cut to a clip from the live action Street Fighter movie) Bison: Of course! (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Bison, I said “Save the world”. Not “Take over the world”! (The clip plays again) Is that all you can say? (The clip plays one more time) Figures… (Cut back to the game. Pit lands on a platform in the sky and sees the Halberd flying overhead. It drops shadow bugs that turn into Primids that start making their way to Pit. He separates the blades of his bow and gets into a battle stance) G-man (V.O): Oh yeah! Shit just got real! (Cut to later in the game) Later on, Pit finds Mario’s trophy and revives him. He explains what happened so far, or rather the flashback does, and they team up to chase after the Halberd. Unfortunately, it gets away. (An Arwing flies after the Halberd. Cut back to the G-man snickering) G-man: Sorry, sorry! I was just thinking about putting a ridiculous sound effect over it. (The scene plays again, only the sound of Peanut from Jeff Dunham’s Arguing with Myself going “Nyow!” is played over it. Cut back to the game with the original audio) G-man (V.O): Zelda and Kirby are being chased by the Halberd when they suddenly crash into it. The Arwing attempts to fight it, but it comes crashing to the ground. Taking our two heroes with it in the process. And that’s pretty much all that happens in this level. Next. (Cut to later in the game) In the jungle, we see Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong from Donkey Kong country chasing after Bowser’s minions who have DK’s banana stash. After going through the location, Bowser appeared and turns DK into a trophy. (Diddy flies off into the distance. Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Don’t use the obvious joke, don’t use the obvious joke, don’t use the- Ah, screw it! Here’s the obvious joke: (The scene plays again, only Goofy’s iconic yell is played over it. Cut back to the game with the original audio) G-man: Back with Mario and Pit, the two BARELY catch up to the Ancient Minister, but unfortunately, he gets away again. And… That’s it. We immediately cut back to Diddy Kong at the lake in which he and Fox McCloud from the Star Fox series fights the Pokémon Rayquaza. Afterwards, he explains his situation to Fox, and he gladly agrees. (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Oh, sorry, let me rephrase that: (He clears his throat) He gestures his explanation, and Fox is forced to help. That’s better! (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): Later on, the two fight Bowser, but it turns out to be a false. They flee in fear of being turned into trophies as well. Uh, do you even remember what happened when you fought Rayquaza? (Cut to earlier in the game. Rayquaza fires an orb of energy from it’s mouth, and Fox uses his reflector to launch it back at it) Yeah, that! (Cut to later in the game. We’re now at the Ruined Zoo) At the Ruined Zoo, we meet Lucas from Mother 3 who is confronted by more Primids. (The statue of Porky Minch appears behind Lucas. The latter screams in fear and runs away from it. Cut back to the G-man screaming as well as he falls out of his chair. After a while, he gets back up) G-man: Hot-diggity-damn, that’s horrifying! I can only imagine what it’s thought process is! (Cut to a still-frame of the Porky statue with the G-man voicing over it. His voice is deep and slightly distorted) G-man (V.O as statue): Your destiny is waiting for you… IN HELL! (Cut back to the game with the original audio. Lucas trips and gets his foot stuck under a stick) G-man (V.O): Wait a minute! This kid has PSI powers AND can defeat multiple enemies, but he can’t escape from a stick? That’s the most ridiculous weakness ever! (Cut to a sketch with the G-man and his brother in a boxing ring) G-man: Come on! You and me! We’re settling this! This is-! (His brother holds up a stick) Oh hell no, I’m out of here! (The G-man runs away. Leaving his brother confused. Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): Luckily, Ness from Earthbound saves Lucas at last second, and the two are confronted by the real Porky in a spider-like machine. After defeating him, Wario appears and captures Ness. Leaving Lucas alone again. Down the line, he meets a Pokémon Trainer with one current Pokémon at the moment; Squirtle. (The Pokémon Trainer throws a Pokéball containing Squirtle. Cut to Brandon Rogers as Grandpa getting hit by the same Pokéball) Grandpa (As he’s getting hit): Oh! Try me, bitch! (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): And can we talk about the Flows for a second? They’re enemies, and they’re fucking annoying! They regain their health after you attack them, and they attack by screaming. Every time they scream, they make this annoying sound that I swear sounds like the demonic version of Caillou. (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: And if you think I’m being lazy and I’m skipping all the dialogue in this game, there isn’t any! (A record scratch is heard) I’m serious! None of these characters talk in the Subspace Emissary! (Cut back to the game. The Pokémon Trainer looks around before throwing another Pokéball. Zapping Squirtle and putting him back in) G-man (V.O): Lucas and the Pokémon Trainer team up, and that concludes the level. At the Battlefield Fortress, another Subspace bomb goes off. Alerting Marth from the Fire Emblem series. After a section in which we exit the fortress, Marth gets attacked by Meta Knight from the Kirby series. Their fight doesn’t last long, however, as they get attacked by Primids. Forcing them to team up. Later on, they attempt to attack the Ancient Minister, but fail. (Suddenly, the sword belonging to Ike from Fire Emblem flies upwards. Its owner catches it and slashes the Ancient Minister’s bomb. Making it fly away uncontrollably. Cut back to the G-man snickering again) G-man: I’m Sorry, I’m sorry! I was thinking about adding another silly sound effect. (The scene plays again, only the sound of an airplane flying is heard. Cut back to the game with the original audio) G-man (V.O): Sadly, the Ancient Minister gets away. Leaving the three swordsmen in its dust. Next scene! We’re then shown a bonus cutscene of Mario’s brother Luigi getting turned into a trophy by King Dedede from the Kirby series. Wario shows up with the trophies of Peach and Ness to snag him, but Dedede steals his stash. Next scene! In the forest, Link from the Legend of Zelda series and Yoshi from the Mario series team up. (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Okay, if there’s a deleted scene in which Link rides Yoshi like Mario does I’d LOVE to see it! (Cut back to the game. We’re briefly shown a cardboard box moving slightly in the storage room of the Halberd) G-man (V.O): Oookaaay, are we just going to ignore that? That’s a lot of pressure to put on someone playing this for the first time! (Cut to later in the game. We’re now in the Research Facility) In the first section of the Research Facility, we meet Samus from Metroid in her Zero Suit who infiltrates it. Presumably in search of her Power Suit. Later on, she saves the Pokémon Pikachu from experimentation. Alerting more R.O.Bs. (Cut to later in the game. Both heroes enter a room filled with monitors. One of which showing where Samus’ Power Suit is. Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Hold the hell up! How did they steal her Power Suit? And how did she know where it was? (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): Back with Zelda and Kirby, the latter ditches the former for some reason, and Bowser captures her as a trophy. Making a false copy of her in the process. She attempts to sneak attack Link and Yoshi, but Mario and Pit show up to stop her. Misunderstanding, the former duo attacks them, but they get turned into trophies as well. (King Dedede appears and snatches up the trophies of Link and Yoshi. Fist pumping as he does so. Cut back to the G-man looking confused) G-man: Did Dedede just do the Jersey Shore Fist Pump? (The scene plays again) That… Needs to be seen more. (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): The two teams including Kirby join forces and chase after Dedede, later on, they reach his castle with Halberd also in sight. Meanwhile in the monitor room from before, Ganondorf from the Legend of Zelda series calls in to Bowser and lets him know about Dedede’s trophy hoard. Back with Lucas and the Pokémon Trainer, they come across some ruins where a Charizard is flying by. (A record scratch is heard as we cut back to the G-man) G-man: Flying!? He’s not good at flying, and here he is doing it like it’s nobody’s business! (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): The two reach the entrance but are quickly confronted by Wario. In vengeance of Ness, they attack. Afterwards, Wario is turned into a trophy. Ending the level. In the cutscene following, Dedede places strange badges on the trophies of Luigi, Ness, and Peach. However, Bowser and his troops come breaking in through the roof and take Peach away. Mario and his team arrive, but Bowser’s already gone. (Cut to later in the game. Bowser is fleeing with Peach’s trophy when Mario attempts to attack him. He holds up her trophy in defence. Forcing Mario to miss. Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Wow! I guess the only way to stop someone from attacking is to hold up their beloved’s statue! (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): Bowser gets away, but the badge on Peach’s trophy falls off and is caught by Kirby. Whom of which keeps. (The text "Plot Point Alert" pops up as a siren is heard. Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Okay, apparently this joke is not getting old yet… (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): Back with Ganondorf, he gets a call from… (Master Hand appears in Subspace on the main monitor) The channel icon from Cave of Shadows? Actually, this is Master Hand; one of the antagonists of the Smash series. The others being Giga Bowser from Melee, and Master Core from Smash 4. All he does is point to Ganondorf, he bows… And that’s pretty much it. (Cut to later in the game) Back with Lucas and the Pokémon Trainer, they go through the ruins and encounter Ivysaur and Charizard. Eventually ending up in a large colosseum-like room. (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: And that’s it for that scene. You know, I really love games where they go absolutely nowhere! (The hashtag "#Sarcasm" pops up with a ding sound effect before we cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): In the Wilds, Ike, Marth and Meta Knight chase after a strange machine called Galleom. When they reach it, it transforms into a fighting robot. Starting another boss fight. When defeated, it falls into the ruins where Lucas and the Pokémon Trainer are. Starting the same boss fight. After he’s defeated again, it’s revealed that he himself is another Subspace bomb. Luckily, Meta Knight saves them at the last second. (The explosion from the Subspace bomb sucks up Wario’s trophy. Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Damn! That was brutal! Just because there wasn’t any screaming doesn’t make it violent! You know what? Let’s add in a scream and see if that helps. (The scene plays again, only the infamous Wilhelm scream is heard as Wario’s trophy is sucked into the explosion. Cut back to the G-man) I think using that specific scream made it silly rather than grotesque… (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): While watching the prior explosion, the Ancient Minister remembers about the other R.O.Bs that went along with the other ones. Almost as if he’s mourning. He’s snapped out of it, however, when one of Pit’s arrows flies past him. Making him flee. When our heroes catch up, he and some other R.O.Bs detonate another Subspace bomb. Luckily, the heroes escape. Back with Fox and Diddy Kong, they get attacked by Bowser again. He sends out Shadow Bugs to swarm Diddy’s trophy to create a larger false copy. Luckily, Falco from the Star Fox series is here to help. (Cut to after the battle. Falco walks away, but Diddy drags him along the ground. Forcing him to help. Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Is this supposed to be a running gag? If so, this only happens two times! Yes, it’s funny, but it’s irrelevant. (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): The trio spots an airship carrying DK’s trophy to an island in the sky, and they follow it using the Great Fox. Back with Samus and Pikachu, they find the former’s Power Suit, but are quickly ambushed by False Power Suits. After defeating them, R.O.Bs quickly flood into the room but are quickly blasted away as Samus dons her Power Suit. Later on, the two reach a large room in which they’re confronted by Ridley. (Pikachu summons a humongous lightning bolt that strikes Ridley. Cut back to the G-man with Tattletail on his desk) G-man: Damn! Who knew something so small could be so destructive! (Tattletail laughs and the G-man looks at him with wide eyes. He slowly pushes him away before we cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): After defeating Ridley, the duo finds two R.O.Bs exiting from a cave with another Subspace bomb. This is probably where they are coming from. Outside of some ruins on the same island, Olimar from the Pikmin series is about to be turned into a trophy by a giant R.O.B when Captain Falcon from the F-Zero series saves him at the last second with a (Along with Captain Falcon) Falcon Punch! (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Heh! I’ve always wanted to do that! (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): Later on, the two captains notice the airship that was carrying Donkey Kong, and Diddy, after dropping out of Falco’s Arwing, revives him. The two teams join up, and after defeating a hoard of enemies, they enter the island. Back with Marth, Meta Knight and the others, they reach a glacial peak where the Ice Climbers are. (There’s a moment of silence before the G-man speaks again) Hold on, let me Google something… (Cut to a time card that says "One Google search later", and then back to the G-man) G-man: Okay, so the Ice Climbers made only one appearance before Melee. That was Ice Climber on the NES. That game came out in 1985, and Melee in 2001. That’s a sixteen-year difference! Why they’re in Smash, I’ll never know. (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): After getting to the top, Meta Knight and the Ice Climbers meet the Pokémon Lucario. Whom of which challenges Meta Knight to fight. Here, we can either choose to play as either Meta Knight or Lucario. No matter who you pick, the character you play as revives the other one and team up. Meanwhile, the Great Fox is taken out by the Halberd, and the former ship is crashed into the peak. Meta Knight and Lucario enter the Halberd, but the Ice Climbers fall off. Somehow, they survive. Luckily, Mario and his team help them defeated more enemies that fell from the debris. Meanwhile inside the Halberd, we finally find out who was under the box from before; Solid Snake from the Metal Gear Solid series. Snake: Kept you waiting, huh? (Cut back to the G-man who is taken aback) G-man: Dah! Voices! Oh, sorry, that rarely happens in this game. (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): Snake attempts to hide from Meta Knight and Lucario via the cardboard box from before… (Cut back to the G-man facepalming briefly) Why did I say that? (Cut back to the game) But before they have time to interact, Lucario uses some sort of brew-ha-ha that senses Primids approaching. After some other bullshit, we find the room where the trophies of Peach and Zelda are. However, more Shadow Bugs copy them. Creating false copies. After defeating them, the real princesses are revived. (Snake motions the two princesses to stay put and runs out of the room before the door closes. Cut back to the G-man) G-man: You know, I can’t help but wonder what Snake would’ve said to them if dialogue was allowed in the Subspace Emissary… (Cut to a still-frame of Snake and the princesses with the G-man dubbing over it) G-man (V.O voice acting as Snake): Stay here, and I’ll show you my “Solid Snake” if you know what I mean. (Cut back to the game with the original audio) G-man (V.O in normal voice): Zelda turns into Sheik off camera and she and Peach escape the room. Later on, we find a room were some of the enemies we faced are. Hold up! (A record scratch is heard as the camera slowly zooms in on a floating enemy suspended in a tank) Who the hell is this guy? He doesn’t appear anywhere else in the game, so what the hell is the point of putting him here? (Cut to later in the game, Sheik and Fox prepare to fight, but Peach offers them tea. Cut back to the G-man looking unamused as he holds up a sign the reads "Seriously?" for a brief moment. Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): Meta Knight and the others break into the control room, and we finally get to see who’s been piloting this whole time! (The pilots turn out to be multiple Mr. Game and Watches) What? What?! (Cut back to the G-man stammering before he splashes his face with water) G-man: WHAT?! (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): We waited all this time for THAT?! Mr. Game and Watch from the fucking Game and Watch games!? Bull-to-the-shit! Anyway, Snake knocks them all out of the helm and they turn into another boss named Duon. Both Snake and Lucario help out the three other heroes, and Falco shows up as well. After that, Duon turns back into Mr. Game and Watch’s trophy. Thus making him a playable character. Back with Samus and Pikachu, the two infiltrate the Subspace bomb factory where the Ancient Minister is waiting. (The Ancient Minister looks down sadly) Or… Not. (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: You know, if you’re a villain and you’re also incompetent, chances are you’re not a very good villain! (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): Captain Falcon and his team drop in to help, but the hologram of Ganondorf commands all the R.O.Bs in the room to detonate the Subspace bombs. The Ancient Minister tries to stop them, but Ganon forces them to attack. (The R.O.Bs’ lasers catch the Ancient Minister’s cloak on fire) Nicholas Cage (V.O from the Wicker Man): How’d it get burned, how’d it get burned?! G-man (V.O): The heroes try to stop the R.O.Bs, but that’s when Ganon sends out enemies to attack. And now we finally find out who the Ancient Minister is. (The Ancient Minister’s cloak rips off to reveal that he’s actually a R.O.B. Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Wait a sec! He was a R.O.B all along? Then why the hell was he not affected by Ganon’s power? Are we gonna get an explanation? (A buzzer sound is heard as a red X appears for a brief moment) As expected… (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): Our heroes escape via the Falcon Flyer, but not before being chased by Mecha Ridley. After that, every hero we’ve met so far joins forces to defeat Subspace once and for all. After destroying a large Subspace cannon, we finally enter Subspace. (Cut to inside Subspace. It’s a dark void with black electricity everywhere) Whoa… (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Okay, with all honesty, I had no idea the Wii was capable of handling such intense graphics! That’s impressive! (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): Meanwhile, Ganon betrays Bowser by turning him into trophy, and bows to Master Hand. But it’s then revealed that Master Hand is suspended by golden chains held by the REAL villain; Tabuu. A blue humanoid that’s always in this strange position where he’s crossing his arms and legs. He turns Ganon into a trophy while simultaneously freeing Master Hand. (The places where Master Hand had the chains now has red spots on them) Wait a minute, is that blood?! (Cut back to the G-man looking shocked) G-man: I can’t get over this. They showed blood in a Nintendo game. Sure, Bayonetta joined in later on and her games had blood, but this is a game featuring (Cut to a picture of Kirby) this cute little creampuff! (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): Mario and the others arrive after Master Hand gets the boot… (Cut back to the G-man briefly) Well, that’s redundant… (Cut back to the game) But the guy from Tron here turns them all into trophies. And all home seems to be lost, when we remember that (Cut to the trophies of Luigi, Ness, and Dedede) these assholes are still in the game. The badges that their wearing revive them, don’t ask, and they and Dedede go out to revive everyone. (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: This is where something really cool happens. As you around through the level, you have to revive anyone you come across. And some cutscenes might play depending on who you revive. For instance: If you revive both Zelda and Link, you revive Ganon as well. That a neat game mechanic, I’ll give it that! (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): Now that we have everyone, we go through the Great Maze. Here, we have to traverse trough every location that we’ve been, fight everyone we’ve met, bosses AND fighters, and after we’re done that, it’s on to the final boss! (Tabuu attempts to use his wave attack again, but a blue ball stops him from doing so. It’s then revealed to be Sonic the Hedgehog. Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Hold up! Where the hell was Sonic when we needed him? Was he just sitting around waiting for the seasons to change? I mean, what the hell? (Cut back to the game. We’re now at the ending cutscene) G-man (V.O): After a long boss fight, Tabuu is defeated, Subspace is destroyed, and we beat Adventure Mode! All-in-all, this was a really great game! If we don’t have something like it in Smash Bros. Ultimate, at least we’ll have this as a memory to last a lifetime! (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Well, I am the G-ma, and that’s all you- (A doorbell sound is heard) Oh for fuck’s sake… (The G-man walks over to the door and opens it, only to find a package. He gets excited) G-man: It’s here! (He takes the package in and places it on his desk) Yes, yes, yes! I’ve been waiting all week for this to arrive! (He eagerly opens the package. His excitement is gone, however, when he pulls out the game case for Sonic the Hedgehog 2006) Oh, you’ve got to be kidding… (He pulls out his phone and dials an anonymous number. A voice can be heard from the other line) Voice (V.O): Hi, welcome to GameStop! G-man: Yes, I ordered the original Sonic the Hedgehog game for the SEGA Genesis and you gave me the shitty Sonic game from 2006. GS (V.O): Sorry, sir. We didn’t have it, and we thought this was the best we could offer. G-man: How is (He holds up the game case again) THIS better than the original? GS (V.O): Well, for thing, it’s for a new console. G-man: Yeah? Well, screw you! (He hangs up) Well, great. Now I’m bored AND pissed! What am I supposed to play now? (The camera slowly zooms in on the game case the G-man’s holding, but it immediately reverts back to it’s original position as he puts it back in the package) Nah, that’d be too obvious… (He looks inside the package again) Wait a minute, there’s something else in here… (The G-man reaches in and pulls out the game cartridge for Super Mario RPG. He slowly grins) G-man: Now THIS I can work with… Category:Episode